Cockneys vs Zombies (2012) Cockneys vs Zombies

Oh, fuck’s sake,
we’ve been saved everyone,
Laurel and fucking Hardy
here’s come to rescue us.

A low budget British zombie film set in London.
No, not that one or the other one this is new and has cockneys in it but please don’t stop reading this review just yet. You might just miss out like I almost did by avoiding this film based on its title alone.

So the premise, well two incompetent but good hearted brothers Terry and Andy (no, not those two from Fatal Fury) played by Rasmus Hardiker and Harry Treadaway, plan to rob a bank to save their Granddads old folks home so enlist stereotypical psycho “Mental” Mickey and the necessary bumbling idiot Davey Tuppence with obligatory clichéd “Tough girl” Katy played by ex-Eastender Michelle Ryan.
As they all cock up the bank robbery they take a couple of hostages, one played by Tony Gardner who those with children will know as the dad from My Parents Are Aliens, to get away from the fuzz only to run into a zombie outbreak.

If this is sounding a bit by the books it’s because it is, not that that’s a bad thing as I found this film to be entertaining enough and do the bits you need it to do well enough, but it is the coffin dodgers at the old folks home stop this film from being too generic.

First there is the cast starting with Granddad who was an ex-gangster played by Alan Ford who you might know from such gangster flicks as Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) and Snatch (2000) and does his usual East End baddie you sort of like. Then there’s Honor Blackman you will know as Pussy Galore from Goldfinger (1964) but most peoples reason to watch despite not getting much airtime is Richard Briers from The Good Life and childhood favourite Watership Down (1978)as a loveable but slightly not with it retirement home resident.

Be aware if you aren’t from London that the “cockneys” in the title is there for a reason so expect lots of slang, swearing and shouting, but this is played up with a running gag involving cockney rhyming slang as well as sending up retired gangsters and also manages to take a few shots at zombies films too for instance the speed of zombies with the slowest chase you will ever see and probably only one involving a zimmer. (check the trailer below)

There’s some nice creative deaths and the performances all work for the most part, I don’t buy Michelle Ryan as a tough girl and the psycho doesn’t come across as intimidating either, with a good use of locations and special effects especially when you take into account that this would’ve had a really minuscule budget to work with.

The script is quick paced just like the film when it gets going though it does slow down briefly and has a decent soundtrack that manages to pick the right songs in places for the situation especially the opening scene.

I thought this was going to be like many other low budget Brit horrors that have a bit of gloss to them but bad in every department so I was pleasantly surprised. Might not be your thing but I would recommend giving it a go at least.

You might be surprised too.