Project DeadPost

Lead Cenobite’s Facebook Mini Reviews

Here are my reviews posted on our page which you can join here

29 January

Dnevnoy Dozor aka Day Watch (2006)

I loved the Night Watch & was excited to see this. Lets start with the special effects. Holy crap they’re good. This film is a Russian film that’s almost 8 years old and cost the equivalent of 4 Million US Dollars yet looks like the budget should’ve been over 10 times that.
When you have a great team who know how to the get most out of their budget it makes you wonder what they are doing right and how is it Hollywood gets it so wrong.
They are amazing and the film builds to a finale which is builds in scale and very satisfying.
The story is about good vs evil hinging around two people on opposing sides never meeting or it’ll bring the apocalypse.
Standard fare, we’ve seen it all before.
The film is also far too long. Over two hours with lots of scenes that could’ve been cut like the whole body swapping bit for example.
That said the characters whilst largely unoriginal are nicely varied and wonderfully acted but there is one blight here…
Svetlana
The female protagonist. God she’s annoying and a complete fuck up. She makes blunder to mistake to why haven’t even the GOOD guys killed you.
With every cock up she makes she gets more of an attitude and has no respect for her superiors, not that I can blame her because as much as she doesn’t listen and screws everything up NO-ONE SAYS ANYTHING!!!
She doesn’t once apologise or even show any sign of remorse for the consequences of her actions.
She even barges into the big bosses office and sits down expecting and explanation with an arrogant judgemental look on her face right after she’s fucked up his plan and almost got the man she has just told loves killed who is now missing due to HER ACTIONS!
Like any badly executed romance sub plot (which is standard in most films) she insults him constantly and treats him with a “I’m so superior” attitude that is also standard in most films.
She’s yet another bad example of a strong female character which we should be used to by now as that is also standard in most films.
It might sound like I’m saying you’ve seen all this before and you have but what works here is nicely done and it does it in a way that feels fresh plus it helps this is Russian and can’t say I’ve seen many Russian films.
You have to see this. It is long and has one unredeeming character but now you know you’re prepared and the final scene is worth it alone

24 January

Scary Movie 5 (2013)

So it’s a bit light on jokes but it does have some crackers, the lead isn’t as good as Anna Farris but does an alright job.
This ones main parodies are Mama, Paranormal Activity, Black Swan and Evil Dead. It probably could have taken the piss out of these films better.
The film seemed a cheaper cousin to the others in the series but if for nothing else is worth watching because it gives you the ending to Mama you wish the real film had.
Not bad, it’s Scary Movie and you know what to expect so give it a go.
In fact watch Mama up to the cliff scene then put this one on starting at the cliff scene. You’ll be so much happier with the end result

13 January

Meltdown Memoirs (2006)

A documentary made for the 20th anniversary of Street Trash (1987) with interviews from everyone involved in the film including Bryan Singer director of Xmen (2000) who was starting out in his career as a production assistant.
At 2hrs it’s full of anecdotes and behind the scenes goodness. It covers everything to do with making the film and is hugely enjoyable.
If you’re a fan of Street Trash or documentaries on how independent films are made this is one to watch ~ Lead Cenobite

12 January

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)

Supposed to be the worst ever released this film isn’t without issues.
Two pilots in a cockpit but the flight sticks are a bit of wood on a pole which they dont even use in the second scene with them.
The dialogue sets this film apart from the rest. Classics like…
“the Earth people, who can think, are so frightened by those who cannot: the dead”
Or
“future events such as these will affect you in the future”
The special effects are bad, the mothership Looks like it’s a pogo ball with a nipple on it.
The aliens raise a dead guy who looks dracula walking around covering his face with his Cape. Turns out Bela Lugosi died while making it and the replacement actor didn’t look like him so had to cover his face.
The scars on the zombie cops face keeps moving because it caused skin irritation and couldn’t be in the same place for more than one day.
It’s its flaws that take what would have been a mediocre film and turn it into a classic.
It’s not like cheap horror films aren’t being churned out that are worse in every way including special effects without any of this films charm.
Catch it, it’s one film you must see before you die ~ LC

10 January

Man-Thing (2005)

Based on the Marvel character who had the most unfortunate 1st issue title, Look up Giant Size Man-Thing, I wanted to like this as I like low budget comic based films & I did to a point.
The sets are great. The swamps set is really good & the film has its own look about it. The characters are also good. Cop, know all love interest, wise old man & inbred brain dead antagonist do a suitable job are watchable but the film simply drags.
It’s not as bad as other films that are slow but don’t expect a lot of action. You don’t even see much of the Giant Sized Man-Thing that much in the film, maybe once before the last 30 minutes but I really enjoyed the climax. It wasn’t that long but satisfying.
And how does the Man-Thing look?
Very faithful to the comics. I was suitably impressed looking at the Giant Sized Man-Thing. Good old fashioned man in a costume with CGI complimenting the character. I applaud the director for not using a completely computer generated titular character.
This is how CGI on a budget should be used.
If it’s on TV watch it but unless you’re a fan of the original Giant Sized Man-Things comic probably not worth a buy ~Lead Cenobite

7 January

The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007)

A documentary using found footage. This one is pretty good. Not much gore (ignore any of the gifs you’ve seen as they are the best bits) but a nice story with good scenes involving the victims.
Keeps up the real documentary angle into the credits. It does well as coming across as one of those bad US documentaries you see and doesn’t become too far fetched. No supernatural element in the end nor no jump scares.
Might not be everyone’s cup of tea but entertained me for 86 minutes ~ Lead Cenobite

12 November 2013

Don’t Look Up (2009)

Nope it’s not a book despite what this poster looks like. It stars Eli Roth… for about 5 minutes at the beginning. Very cheap and it shows. Some good gross out, but purely there for shock, moments and good attempts at gore but being cheap and modern are let down by the fact it’s all CGI.
Picks up by the end but that’s really all I can say about it.
Lot of hate for this film online and probably justified but I ended up liking it.
Don’t expect, well anything and you might not want to gorge your own eyes out by the final act ~ LC

4 November 2013

Scarecrows (1988)

5 bank robbers and their hostages end up on a farm where the scarecrows come to life to hunt them.
I liked it, the characters are nicely varied and some have some depth to them including the bank robbers, the scarecrows look great. They’re suitably scary and intimidating.
There’s enough gore with being 80’s so it’s old school make-up.
It moves along at a nice pace but the story seems like it could have used a bit more work on it.
That said it’s low budget 80’s horror so worth a watch. I wasn’t disappointed ~ LC

27 October 2013

Stake Land (2010)

I love this film. It’s not your usual horror film, this one isn’t about scares or gore, it’s about the people in it struggling to survive in a new world overrun by vampires and the bad people who can be worse than the vamps.
A small group of people are trying to escape the US to Canada free from the vamps. The group themselves, including Danielle Harris, aren’t your usual group either. There’s no conflict, no unlikeable characters, no know-it-all Jane Rambo that every horror film seems to have. No idiot male that every film seems to have.
They aren’t your luvy duvy Partridge family just a differing group of people thrown together. It is so refreshing to see this.
As for the vamps well they are a mix of 2004’s Dawn of the Dead zombies & 30 Days of Night vampires. They don’t die easy and there’s nothing about them that’ll appeal to teenage girls.
The film is very story driven & the new world that’s arisen after the vamps have destroyed society is very believable & cruel. Even though the film is about people struggling to survive this new world it doesn’t let up on the violence and gore which it does very well.
A pleasant surprise & one I recommend.
If I have one criticism it’s the use of CGI blood. Not overused but if ever you want to ruin a believable special effect use CGI blood.
A more mature, storywise, horror from the Americans. Resounding success ~ LC

26 October 2013

Class Of Nuke Em High (1986)

It’s a Troma film so the plot makes little sense & the script is ridiculous. Basically this film is stupid beyond belief.
How do they get funding to make their films? In this one they trash a high school and have a rather good looking animatronic monster.
Plot wise a nuclear power station leaks radioactive material into a school next door turning the schools honour club into foul mouth degenerates and then it gets stupid… Stupid beyond belief.
I loved every second of it. Never a dull moment and lots of energy throughout. This is classic Troma.
If you like Troma watch this & if you don’t then watch this to get into Troma theen watch Toxic Avenger and Tromeo & Juliet.
Then watch Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. or Surf Nazis Must Die. You know what go to YouTube. Troma have a channel and most of their films are on there to watch for free ~

19 October 2013

Los Cronocrímenes (2007) – Time Crimes (UK)

Fantastic Spanish film that starts of as a slasher flick but then changes half way through and becomes about trying to sort out the mess created by time travel.
What is interesting is the unique perception of the slasher it gives you in the second half. It reminded me of Leslie Vernon behind the Mask.
Fun little film that I’m surprised the Yanks haven’t tried to remake… http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1174737/ Shit ~ LC

10 October 2013

Sleepy Hollow TV Series

Watched the first episode last night and it was fantastic. Basically Ichabod Crane and the headless horseman end up in modern day sleepy hollow and Ichabod finds out the horseman is part of something much larger.
It works.The supernatural element is upped and it brings in a biblical twist to the story.
Fantastic likeable characters, decent effects, snappy script and my god it was entertaining.
If it had been 30 mins longer with an ending it would’ve been a very good film.
I recommend checking it out, I just hope the rest of the series can live up to the standard set by this pilot ~ LC

10 October 2013

I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

Lets start with the bad. First off it’s filmed on a cheap digital camera so all the colours are washed out & it has that annoying grain when watched in HD. The film looks more low budget than it is.
Next is the characters. All unlikeable. You have the obligatory tough rock girl who the final girl at one point says “I’m not tough like you”. At no point did I think she was tough & that’s proven by the way she died.
Then there’s the dumb jock older guy. Whiney little brat who I think dies, I’m not too sure & then the final girl.
God she grated on me. She shouts at the men we’re leaving tomorrow and that’s it but when her female friend the next day, at the last minute, when they are literally about to drive off tells her she’s not going. Sympathetically she says to her that’s ok we’ll all stay.
She orders everyone to keep what they did secret, even shouting at them to do so, so when she finds out a cop has known their secret for a few days, with disgust she says to him “You knew and you kept it a secret!” Ooh I wanted to kill her at that point.
Why does he keep it a secret? because he likes her. Every single man likes her in this film. She has two other men always insulting each other throughout in some sort of love triangle that left me wondering how bad must the rest of the women in this town be if everyone’s after her? She’s bland & has no personality. There is one other in the group who could’ve been interesting but he dies early on.
All the acting is bland not helped by a bad script & poor direction.
THE GOOD – There’s the fisherman. I love this character. He has a cool look, cool weapon and is tough. In this film you’re always wondering who it is until the reveal. They managed to fuck him up as well. If they was going to go down the route they did then maybe they should’ve done it in the second film. Not so good and not the fisherman we’re used to or want.
So how does this link to the first two films? Everyone keeps saying “I know what you did last summer” That’s about it.
The series finished with part 2 in imo. This is a no idea, generic cash in. Do what I’m going to do tonight and watch the second to see how a sequel should be done.

7 October 2013

Death Line (1972)

So the British can still make decent horror with very good looking gore. Ah this was made in 1972, well we could do once.
2 students (Bloody students) find a man passed out on the Underground and go to get him help but when they return he’s missing. Taken by cannibals who live in the Underground. Reminds me of Creep (2004) but I prefer this film.
Donald Pleasence stars as a dishevelled police inspector, Columbo he’s not. He’s a very sarcastic, cynical character who treats everyone with distain emphasised by his east end accent. He’s fun to watch and brightens up the film with Christopher Lee appearing in a scene stealing cameo..
You could say this is the British Texas Chainsaw despite this film being released two years earlier. It lacks that fantastic manic energy of TCM but this is a very British affair.
The killer look good and you will find yourself feeling for him when a family member dies but what really surprised me was the gore effects. Probably better than TCM and extremely well done especially for a horror film in the early 70’s from England.
With that in mind it has a solid script, excellent set locations well fleshed out characters plus Hyacinth Bucket’s long suffering husband Clive Swift.
Watch this one if you get the chance to.

13 September 2013

Demon Cop (1990)

If you look on the poster it says “probably the worst film you’ll ever see” and that’s no lie. This is low budget for a low budget film and the acting is appalling but it’s the script where it really shines.
It seems everyone in this film is attempting to come across as deep philosophical thinkers and all are on the same wavelength. From the paralysed former gang member to the demon that can’t stop killing. It’s incredibly pretentious and could’ve done with a few more revisions but made funnier by the fact most of the actors keep stumbling over their lines leading me to wonder how bad the previous takes must’ve been if they went with the ones we’re left with.
Most of the film is people describing what happened rather than showing it, so you get the doctor reciting into his Dictaphone or someone calling into a radio station or some people sitting around talking. This leads to another problem with the film… I have no idea who’s who or why they’re involved. I don’t know how these people know each other or how they’ve met up.
Characters would appear and act like they’ve been in the film from the beginning, maybe they was and I just can’t follow what’s going on, with no character development at all.
There’s sub plots involving Nazi’s & one that involves a virus.
It looks like a cheap 80’s porno especially when the girlfriend is reading the note the demon wrote for her complete with demon voice over (the actors delivery is laughable) while the demon is STILL IN THE SAME ROOM AS HER posing by the fireplace. A letter that is written on a notepad size piece of paper but goes on & on as if it was written on A4 front and back.
And now my last point the titular character Demon Cop. He’s not in the film. Who we have is not a cop but a retired parole officer, more of a social worker and his symptoms are more in line with being a werewolf & not once does he dress as a cop like in the poster.
This film is BAD! I love it. Don’t think I could watch it again but you HAVE to see it if you get the opportunity.

10 August 2013

Frankenweenie (2012)

I took a chance on this last night and was pleasantly surprised. It’s a throwback to Tim Burton’s early work.
Your typical Burton-esque 50’s small town America, Danny Elfman score, a story that’s like a modern day fairy tale filled with a wide diverse range of characters that compliment the story without feeling like they’ve been created just for plot purposes.
Well apart from Edgar ‘E’ Gore, and it has Winona Ryder back.
The story is kept simple, the world is believable and it has that fantastic surreal element you expect in a Tim Burton world.
After Nightmare before Christmas and The Corpse Bride I had reservations about another him doing another animated film but those were gone after 10 minutes. It all builds to a big, classic creature feature ending and shows Burton still has it albeit in animated form. Dark Shadows tried and failed to have that madness we expect from him but this succeeds.
A film for kids but one adults can enjoy as well.

15 July 2013

KM 31 (2006)

An entertaining Mexican horror that starts off at a nice pace then slows a little as all the story comes together, which is to be expected but picks up for a fantastic ending.
I really liked this film. It’s a ghost story about a cursed part of road. I don’t want to give too much away as it’s a bit light on story but that works in the films favour.
It doesn’t try to be too clever or confusing.
An entertaining horror film that has a nice non English language foreign charm to it.

8 July 2013

Holocaust 2000 (1977)

An ItalianBritish horror film that resembles the Omen. It stars Kirk Douglas who puts in an interesting performance and Simon Ward.
Set mostly in Blighty, Douglas is a man who discovers his son is the anti-Christ and sets out to stop him.
Yes it’s a blatant cash in of The Omen but it has that 70’s Italian charm and does enough to stand as it’s own film and not a cheap copy. Slightly trippy at parts (It is the 70’s) and I don’t understand what Satan hopes to achieve with his plan but it does have the best death scene involving a helicopter ever put to film.
Worth a watch as long as you can understand it’s an Italian production not Hollywood

6 July 2013

ParaNorman (2012)

Very good. I’m not sure who the audience is meant to be, adults or children. There’s a lot of debate about a gag at the end which I found funny but sadly offends a lot of people. There’s enough references to classic horror, Jason & Myers, Cujo etc and the story & humour has a lot of grown up elements to it. I loved it.
Great animation, good script and it takes what you know about zombie films and gives it a nice twist without being as preachy as films like this can be.

26 June 2013

Slaughter High aka April Fools Day (1986)

Although the version I watched was April Fools Day aka Slaughter High.
A British horror in which a group of idiots torment and play a prank on a nerd that leaves him disfigured. Years later they all get invites to a 10 year reunion at their old School.
Good film that has some decent deaths happening to characters you wont feel sorry for. Not even the final girl.
Cheesy and 80’s. Need I say more.
I have no idea what the poster has to do with the film.

24 June 2013

The Deadly Spawn (1983)

A film so bad it’s tremendous. I love this movie! It delivers, in its own insane way, on gore and atmosphere although if you’re looking for acting you came to the wrong place. It’s silly and fun with cool monsters and even a cool ending. Toothier than the average B flick. Love it.

 

17 June 2013

TerrorVision (1986)

Caught this the other day & thought it might be like Stay tuned (1992) but gave it a go anyway.
It ridiculous, silly, very 80’s & stars Gerrit Graham. I loved it.
An alien race disposes of it’s rubbish by converting it to energy & transmitting it out in to space. A rubbish eating creature is caught up in one transmission & then picked up through a families satellite TV & starts eating the family.
Worth a watch when you’ve taken your brain out for it’s monthly rinsing.

16 June 2013

Skeletons (2010)

A quirky British film about two psychic exorcist who literally exorcise skeletons from peoples cupboards.
The film is wonderfully British down to the humour and is amazingly restrained. Don’t expect any special effects, or over the top scenes. This film doesn’t need it.
All the characters are odd in their own way and they make such an eclectic mess.
Jason Isaacs who you might know as Harry Potter’s Lucius Malfoy is fantastic and acts like he’s out of Coronation Street. (no, not that way)
This goes to show the British can make low budget films that look big budget with a bit of care. Worth a watch.

 

10 June 2013

Les Revenants (2012)

The Returned in English in a French 8-part supernatural drama set in a small French mountain town in which the dead suddenly reappear not knowing that they’ve died.
Has that French feel to it and can’t wait to see where it’s going to go.
Can’t be worse than Hannibal.

9 June 2013

The Others (2002)

Watched last night. Great film which shows you can have a decent horror with a big Hollywood star in it.
Love the twist. An original perspective on the classic ghost story if you ignore The Innocents (1961) Even the posters are the same.
Don’t know if the ending is brave and very evil or your typical happy ending for the American audience.

 

30 May 2013

Paranormal Entity (2009)

Awful film. Two in one night. I’m not having much luck.
After 6 months and 4 attempts I finally finished it.
Not enough ideas and it takes far too long to implement those ideas poorly.
I only watched it because I’m a huge fan of diagnosis murder and Chernobyl diaries.
Worth watching to see how bad it is.

 

29 May 2013

Lake Placid 3 (2010)

Awful. I haven’t seen 2 but this was an insult to the original. Didn’t care about any of the characters. All unlikable, crap special effects, worse script, no tension.
Wish the croc would’ve ate them all as well as whoever green lit this, the writer and director.
True SyFy channel pish.
I am looking forward to part 4.

26 May 2013

The Innkeepers (2011)

Watched this last night. Good film but like Ti West earlier film House of the devil the film has a long slow build up not that it matters as I found the characters very likeable and to be honest I’d have watched this if it was just a drama about the last weekend of a hotel.
The ending is exactly how every ending from every horror film would be if they were real life and not a film.
Worth a watch if not just for a bitchy Kelly McGillis.

11 May 2013

Dark Floors (2008)

I watched this yesterday. It’s a film by Finnish rock band & former Eurovision winners Lordi.
It looks good and is by the books. Nothing special. The actors all sound dubbed and angry and you wont care about any of the characters apart from the little girl and maybe her dad.
It continues a tradition of low budget horrorscifi-ish films starring rock stars like Monster Dog for Alice Cooper or KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park.
Maybe watch it but if you can’t find Monster Dog or Phantom of the Park.

Stephen King’s Bag of Bones (2011)

I didn’t realise this was a mini-series as it was shown as a film so I thought 3 hours was far too long.
It’s poor. I really hope they changed a lot about the book as the plot was weak & I’d expect more from King.
Brosnans good despite what he’s working with but the reason we’re given for why everything’s happening is clichéd and the way he breaks the curse is so ridiculously simple and takes about 45 seconds in the film. Not enough strong material to justify 3hrs. Should’ve been less than two as the story itself is weak & has been done before.
If you’re a King fan check it out otherwise I wouldn’t bother.

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