The Devils Tomb (2009) Review

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The Devils Tomb 2009The Devils Tomb 2009

Director by Jason Connery
Starring Cuba Gooding Jr., Ray Winstone, Ron Perlman

 

The is the first attempt at directing by Sean Connerys son Jason.
You might have successfully avoided his classic 51 (2011) but if you haven’t then you know just what to expect here.

Lets start with the bad… Everything. The dialogue and characters, the cheap sfx and amateurish look to this film.
The characters are the usual Elite US Special Forces team populated with the usual players. That is the so called best of the best acting like fowl mouthed children.
We have the newbie that everyone mocks.
The really vulgar one who ends up being the most entertaining because the rest are too bland or fail in convincing us we believe they are who they are meant to be playing.
Obligatory laughably bad attempts at being the uncaring tough girls with no respect.
Their C.O. is like every commanding officer in every film with an elite unit. No need for a description here.

The newbie can’t move two feet without falling over, knocking something over, ending up pointing his gun at his teammates. I get you have to show he’s new to the unit but he wouldn’t get onto the team by being a computer genius alone. He would’ve been trained and seen combat with previous deployments but already I’m getting sick of this guy.
Because his being there makes a mockery of real units like this but then apart from the C.O. so do the rest of this team.

The cast sadly is a good one. Ray Winstone appears in flashbacks but sports the worst attempt at an American accent since Jason Statham. At least Jason sticks to his real accent now in films
Ah the flashbacks that appear randomly but seem so out of place and at this time in the film (I’m still watching it) are pointless though that might change.
I doubt it.
This looks like a straight to dvd film at the best of times but during the flashbacks it looks even cheaper.

Ron Perlman, Jason London, Henry Rollins as a scared priest, a priest that pumps iron, and leading the unit is Oscar winner Cuba Gooding Jr. A person whoes films I tend to enjoy watching as I think he’s a talented actor. Must be some reason he signed up to this shite.

There is a scene where a woman has to scream in terror and is quite convincing but it is a shame she didn’t realise how bad the after effects would be on the little girl she is supposed to be scared of.
We get a predator-esque scene where one starts shooting into an empty corridor and the rest run up and join in.
Just stupid.

The plot is about an underground bunker and my EPG describes it as ‘Satanic Horror’ but all I’ve seen is few hallucinations here and there and people covered in boils which is more disease like than supernatural.

As I write I think there’s going to be a pointless chick fight.

I am going to see if I can stretch writing this review out for 50 more minutes otherwise I doubt I’ll have what it takes to finish this film, oh and they have just found what they think is an alien frozen in ice but have just been reliably informed it is an Angel cast from heaven that is at war with God.
I’m sure that looked better in the script.

This is so bad. Please avoid.
Nothing redeeming about it but I might as well finish this by wrapping up a few of the loose ends in my review (unlike the film does with it’s plot) and that fight scene I predicted turned out to be the start of a sex scene. Too bad they spent the film setting these two women up as unlikeable but to make it worse one of them has boils and the other is kissing the puss that is being excreted.
As for the flashbacks. Utterly pointless. I think the point is so that apparition of Winstone is there to tempt him to the dark side for the killing Winstone in real life but that falls so flat and none of his dialogue couldn’t have been said by Ron Perlman alone.

That apparition it turns out can be affected by explosions!?! Speaking of which- cue nice big explosion and end of this fucking mess!

Another cheap shoddy film from James Bond Jr. If you see Jason Connery listed as director AVIOD!!!
Forget Ed Wood or Uwe Boll as being the worst directors ever. They have done good films. Jason hasn’t.
Zack Ward who appears in this as the vulgar soldier appeared in Uwe’s surprisingly decent Postal a year prior to making this.
Think about that, he went from a film directed by a man currently regarded as the worst director out there working into this. He’s a good actor who doesn’t deserve that.